Some memories
are sharp enough to cut
off my breath,
leaving me
gasping
like a fish
who just wants
her ocean
back.
Photo by Joseph Barrientos on Unsplash
Song Choice: Breaking Down by Florence + the Machine
Liner Notes for this Groove: I know I'm getting serious about a new writing project when I start writing poetry in the voices of my characters. Rina has a some serious inner demons to face (and several fae beings are just complicating the situation). But I'm deep into the super ugly rough first draft and enjoying getting to know her world.
This poem is linked to Poets and Storytellers United's Friday Writings prompt, Writing About Writing.
Powerful!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Debra
DeleteOh I love this... "like a fish / who just wants / her ocean / back - what a tremendous line.
ReplyDeleteThanks! When my mind tripped across this image, it felt too perfect not to use.
DeleteOh, that sounds so intriguing! Sounds like a book I'll be panting to read.
ReplyDeleteI'm working on it!
Delete" ... a fish who just wants her ocean back" expresses what many have felt at one time or another. It's that life-changing twist in the road where a decision was made that for a time seems to cut off all air.
ReplyDeleteAll air, and any notions of things ever being the same again, yes.
DeleteI can only imagine the wonderful goodness on the way .... Brava, Rommy!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Helen, I sure hope it's good.
DeleteSo well said! Choked or choked up?
ReplyDeleteI think both could apply depending on the perspective, yes.
Deletefish who just wants her ocean back - Love this
ReplyDeleteThanks, vanderloost
DeleteYour short poem left me gasping, such lovely lines & imagery.
ReplyDeleteThe first draft is always, rough! But it gotta start somewhere. :)
LOL, I keep reminding myself that the laughing out loud at torturously constructed sentences is part of the fun.
DeleteThat sounds like an interesting book.
ReplyDeleteWorking on it
DeleteAlways leave them gasping for more...it is only polite ;D XXX
ReplyDeleteLOL, there's always a bit of showmanship in good writing.
DeleteThere is so much power in Rina's voice. The poem leaves me wanting to know more about her, much more. So, bring it on!
ReplyDeleteThis kind of took my breath away with it's directness and perfect description of feeling. I had one like this last night, felt like a knife that woke me up.
ReplyDeleteLove the image of "a fish / who just wants / her ocean / back." The joy of first draft (and it's ugly rough) is writing, itself. Enjoy the process!
ReplyDeletethis poem leaves me breathless. Wonderful! (Sara McNulty)
ReplyDeleteExactly captures the feeling of intense longing and the inability to change it.
ReplyDeleteLovely post
ReplyDelete