Don’t know if I can
shake off soul deep exhaustion,
when breathing feels brave.
This poem is linked to Imaginary Gardens with Real Toad’s
Tuesday Platform.
Liner Notes for this
Groove:
“I don't want tea, I
want justice!” ― Ally Carter, Uncommon Criminals
To say I’m emotionally drained after this weekend is an
understatement. I was already feeling a little less than my perky self when I
got involved in a conversation that started when an extremely stupid clueless
woman tried to appeal to my husband to agree with her that the current occupant
of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is not a racist. (It was, however, more than
slightly glorious to watch her shock as my normally soft-spoken husband told
her where she go with her nonsense.)
Then I heard about the shooting. And the reason why the shooter did it. There is something profoundly unsettling when you know that you
are part of the group a gunman in a recent massacre was hoping to target.
There’s a lot I could blather on about. A bunch of small
things I hoped would go my way just didn’t. I could say that’s what’s bothering me
if people ask. I probably will use one of those as an excuse, depending on who's doing the asking. But it’d be a lie.
Can't lie to myself though. It's not terribly helpful in the long run. I can do neither more or less than let myself acknowledge what I'm feeling, and work through it as best I can.
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| Artwork by Cristal Gutiérrez. See more of her gorgeous art on Instagram and her Etsy store. |
Song Choice: No Es Mi Presidente by Taina Asili
I took a deep breath after reading. Breathing feels brave is a great line
ReplyDeleteI've had a lot of people really respond to that line.
DeleteThis captures exactly how I feel, too. The fatigue is real and the tears fall. Thank you for the line “Breathing feels brave”. It captures it all so well. I just want to place everyone in a loving virtual hug, but to pick up a sword and step forward, too.
ReplyDeleteI can't say I'm glad my words captured a such a universal feeling in this case. But pain tells us we still are capable of caring, and that is a hopeful thing.
DeleteI am sorry you are made to feel this way. It is sad that so many people in this country are filled with hate and we have an orange monster that encourages them.
ReplyDeleteThank you Toni. I've tried to keep feelings like this on the down low more often than not. And I know I am one of the very lucky ones in that I've managed some level of equilibrium utilizing different coping techniques. But post 2016, it's become harder, much harder.
DeleteOne of the worst things about El Pendejo Anaranjado is how he does bring out the worst in people. Sometimes that's hate. Sometimes it's helplessness.
I feel the same way, Rommy. My soul is weary from all that is so grievously wrong, with no justice anywhere. The hate and vitriol are even crossing the border into Canada - not in such numbers, but a few incidents are more than we are used to, and there are more than a few now. White supremacy is on the rise. It is deadly, and horrifying and the proponents do not even see or hear how wrong they are. A scary state of affairs. I wrote a very discouraged post today for Susan's prompt tomorrow. It is impossible to write anything orher than the truth right now. I havent posted it yet. Things are very bad when my perrennial optimism has come to a stop and I am this discouraged. Take heart - there are many more of us who are not racist than those who are. It boggles my mind, though, that this can be so while the Horribles are gaining so much power.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard for anyone not to feel discouraged at these events. I hope that the good in the world will eventually overcome the evil. And I have to keep working as though it might, despite having no guarantees of it at all.
DeleteIt seems as though hatred and general dislike and prejudice is spreading rapidly across the world. I too am weary but outraged at the same time 😥😥
ReplyDeleteA very normal cocktail of feelings for all people who still have a heart.
DeleteGoodness, this hit home. ❤
ReplyDelete*hugs* Yeah, I don't often write about this side of me. I have managed for years to work through things. But current events really have put a large strain on what it is I can manage.
DeleteTerribly depressing reality. The malaise is spreading everywhere.
ReplyDeleteNo part of the world seems safe from it.
Delete"Breathing feels brave"... that's brilliantly put. The hate and invective and violence seems to be everywhere - the terrible reality being nothing is really being done to stop it.
ReplyDeleteCertainly nothing by my government officials, who seem to be encouraging it.
DeleteYour poem made me take a breath, Rommy. I am distraught that there is so much racism in America – in the world – and that supposedly intelligent people in a so-called civilised world can’t live together in peace and harmony, without weapons and violence.
ReplyDeleteSo much hatred, and so much of it allowed or encouraged by our elected officials.
ReplyDeleteHuh! It looks like my earlier comment didn't come through. Well, I was using a device I haven't used before. :(
ReplyDeleteAnyway to capture the gist of the previous comment...
I'm saddened by the recent events. And what hit home most were your words, "There is something profoundly unsettling when you know that you are part of the group a gunman in a recent massacre was hoping to target."
It is sad to constantly worry about own and your loved ones' safety. It's also just exhausting to keep fighting all these injustices. We live in difficult times, I really wish you strength.
Thanks Khaya. It's been a very draining sort of week, but words of support really do help.
DeleteI am proud of you for speaking the truth to you, and sharing it with us. Some truths are so devastating that to let others see them leaves us exposed, make us a target... But how can we avoid that when we have been already skinned, when the bullseye some have put on us is already full of arrows? We can't change the mind of the unwilling, but we can do what you've done (what your superhero of a husband did--let them know that it hurts, let them know that it won't be allowed.
ReplyDeleteP.S. If I could draw, I would love to illustrate your poem.
DeleteEarlier last week I said to someone that boundaries are self-care. I think I need to take my own advice.
DeleteI think you create some really visually beautiful objects without drawing.
It's all so sad!!!! Good for your husband!!! Big Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks Stacey *hugs*
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