It must be...

A long time ago, in the magical decade known as the 90's, my then future hubby and I had a talk about the way things might be were we to come to a more permanent arrangement. At this point, we completely dropped the pretense that our relationship was a fling, the word "love" had been uttered in moments of both high emotion (ahem, it was college) and calm. At this point we both knew, as Ming Ming the Duck might say:

One of the things my hubby wanted was a kosher home. Sure, I thought. Not such a big deal not to have cheese on everything and hey, if I only ate bacon outside the house, that would be a good way to limit at least one really unhealthy food I liked. But there's kosher and then there's Passover kosher.

I loathe Passover.

There, I've said it.

OK, I don't hate the holiday itself. And a lot of the food is good. But the whole house, especially the kitchen, needs deep cleaning. The daily meat and dairy dishes need to be swapped out for special ones that have never touched chamtez (leavened bread) or stuff that's even chametz like. Besides the regular rules, there's no bread, no corn, nothing made on machinery that might have touched bread or corn (we even have to get new salt, pepper, sugar and oils because of that). No pasta except for stuff made from matzoh meal. But most of all, there's no beans and no rice.

NO RICE. AT ALL. FOR ANY MEAL.

Even people on hard core no-gluten diets get rice! Why can't I have rice? There's no leavening in rice. Rice is just sitting there, minding it's own business, being a beloved staple of many different world cuisines...except ancient Hebrew! I'm sure Moses didn't even know rice existed. Why is it on the banned list?!?!? It's not on the no list for Sephardic Jews. Why can't be be Sephardic instead of Askenzai for week? They get to have rice and I'm sure I have ancestors from Spain (that's what my mom says).

One of the worst fights my hubby and I ever had was just before Passover. I spent the day cleaning with little children underfoot and he suggested we go out to eat so as not to have to redo any of the work I already got done. I said, terrific, where to? He suggested a Brazilian steak house.

A BRAZILIAN STEAK HOUSE?!?!?! I'm going to have to eat pretty much like I'm on the Atkins diet for a week, spent all day cleaning while trying to keep an eye on small children and you want all you can eat steak?!?!?!

Yes, we resolved things (we went for Italian instead and I went nuts on the garlic bread) but my loathing of the holiday continues to this day.

This year we had an out of town wedding to go to. The weekend right before Passover. And Passover starts on a Monday. Did I mention the wedding was for his side of the family? (My side would have no clue when Passover starts, nor would they need to, but his side????)

Yeah, I went. I'm actually very fond of the groom and his family. His new bride is a sweetie! And I really like weddings too. I had a great time reconnecting with family I don't normally get to see. Yeah, I've switched out the dishes, packed up the chametz, and won't eat any questionable food in the house (outside the house is another matter; who wants to join me for a sushi lunch that week?) and support my husband's traditions and beliefs. Because in the end, he does support mine, even if he doesn't get them all the time. He loves me. And I love him.

But I don't love Passover. So there.

I am MOJITO!

I have to thank my husband for a lot of things. He's one of my biggest cheerleaders, especially when it comes to writing, and he's inspired me in a multitude of artistic endeavors. So when I told him about the 300 word Master Writing Challenge, he got excited, but for both of us. He loves to write as well, but he doesn't get as much time to play with words as he'd like. This was the perfect short project he could play around with to get his creative juices flowing.

Now the idea to go with a pseudonym was mostly his - he worries a bit that his outspoken wife will get backlash. So I decided if I was going to go with a pseudonym, pretty much everyone mentioned on my blog (who doesn't have a public persona they aren't comfortable using) would get one too. I thought of ones for two of my closest friends right away - Absinthe and Oolong.

"I want to keep up a beverage theme and those kind of go with their personalities," I told him.

"So what about me?" he asks, pretty excited. "What's my name?"

"Maneshevitz, Manny for short," I quip.

He wasn't at all crazy about that. After making some jokes about wanting to be named after something I like to drink (I can hear the snickering of all the dirty minded folks as I type this), I realized, this is hard. Is there a good drink that sums up a guy who is a weird blend of Oz from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Joscelin Verruil from Kushiel's Dart and Ron Stoppable from Kim Possible? He is lobbying hard for Mojito (I think not) though PG-Ice (Peach Green Tea, Iced) has an interesting ring to it .

So I'll leave you all with a song that always makes me think of him and his take on the 300 word challenge. It's funny - I actually called the book and the genre he used before I even saw it.

Rough day?" The bartender asked, glancing at his six shooter.   

Jessie eyed him briefly touching the dried blood on the side of his head.  "Whiskey" Jessie said motioning towards the glass.  

"You know where I can find a man called Travers?"  

The bartender just shrugged nodding his head towards a card game going on in the far corner.  "Oh and if you see a man with a red sash on his leg let me know, I owe him".

Thirty minutes later Jessie and a man with long black hair were the last ones at the table.  Jessie licked his lips and eyed his cards.  Something caught his eye outside the swinging bar doors.  A red sash on a man's leg.  Jumping up as he turned he felt a hand grab his shoulder.  

"You can't walk away", his opponent said.  

Jessie pulled away barking out "We'll settle this at noon, outside".  

The man seemed satisfied and let go.  As Jessie went through the doors he collided with a man entering.   The man sprawled backwards and in to the street.    Jessie looked frantically for the sash.  

"Slap leather yellow-belly!"  the muddy man said as he went for his pistol.  

Jessie, raised his hand and started to move off.  

"12:15 PM sir outside the bar, we'll settle it then".  

With that Jessie raced down the street, drawing his pistol.  Turning a corner he stepped in a large mud puddle which splattered on a couple standing to the side.  They were dressed in the finery of city folk.  The man's cane swung up and stopped his momentum.  

"You will apologize, trash" the man said disdainfully.  Jessie, pushed the cane aside with his gun.  He had no time for this.  

"We'll settle this at 12:30 PM outside the bar" and with that he was off.