Beyond Heaven

I was never really heaven’s favorite child.
I failed
to prove my obedience
by asking “why” and “what if”.

And heaven offers no salvation for dreamers
unless they stay cloaked with its holy hues.

All I have left to show
for my dreams are lost love’s ashes
clinging to the souls of every one of my failures,
who in turn are ground into oblivion.

I never thought anyone
would find comfort or inspiration in my stories,
taking cautionary tales as aspirations,
insisting there’s gold beneath the grime.
I didn’t expect you, my daughter,

knowing the selectiveness of heavenly mercy,
would demand that heaven acknowledge you
and start living up to its ideals.

How can a parent ask their child
to be less than what they are,
to shrink their spirit
when they are finally ready
to shout truth in the face
of reactionary angels?

I may repent
an innumerable host of stupid decisions
but I refuse to renounce the greatest miracle
my disobedience has birthed.

 

Song Choice: More Than Anything from Hazbin Hotel

Liner Notes for this Groove: I've been sick with COVID for the last week and a half. In between hacking up my lungs I got a chance to binge the musical series, Hazbin Hotel. While I enjoyed it, it's definitely not for everyone. The pacing gets a little crazy and there's a song/ scene that makes Fantine's I Dreamed a Dream from Le Miz seem like Somewhere Over the Rainbow (they were not kidding around with the content warning for episode four). But I am a sucker for musicals and characters that are idealistic dorks, like Lucifer and Charlie.

Grail Quest

I have made a vow
to be a knight, brave and true.
And now all my vows
compel me towards the grail.

I know there is no true healing
for some of the wounds I have taken.
There are things beyond
even the grail’s power.

But that was never the point.

The pain will not end
when I reach the grail.
But at least then I know
a new quest can begin.

I am a knight, brave and true,
seeking both my reflection
in the water of the grail

and remembrance
of all the adventures 

still left to find.

Photo by Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 on Unsplash

Song Choice: Man of La Mancha performed by Niizuma Seiko

Liner Notes for this Groove: This poem is linked to Poets and Storytellers United's Friday Writings Prompt, Small Victories.

The Girl with the Unbeatable Score (Mad Max Mayfield)

I thought I'd gotten used to the process

of things getting broken— 

broken home, broken promises.

Watching your brother's bones break

while screaming in the background 

is different.

The truth is I’ve been running
long before the moment my world shattered, 
the moment that still threatens 

to steal all my will from me.

I didn’t want anyone to see that.
Why should they?
I rolled past complications
as fast as my skateboard would take me.

I never thought grief would be
the speedbump flinging me into the dark,
where even my friends can’t find me.

I met a girl,
on the verge of forgetting her magic.

I reminded her
no guy gets to define her
choices or her power.

I met a boy
full of imagination and loyalty.

We reminded each other
that choosing love
usually means choosing to be real.

I met a monster
who reminded me I could drown,

choking on contradictions of love and hate
while I torture myself
with every variation of “what if”.

(What if the world hadn't ground you down first?

What if I shouted louder?

What if we were better to each other?

What if I wasn't a screwup?)

I met myself

in the darkness, tying my spirit
to notes and words
strong enough to wrap around my heartbreak.

All I can do now is hope
that it’s enough to remind myself

I’m the girl who stands up to grownups and monsters,
the one with the unbeatable score,
and I can outrun this moment.

Song Choice: What else but that scene from Stranger Things? Warning, if you aren't caught up (and you plan to be at some point) listen to this cover of Running Up That Hill by Rain Paris instead.

Liner Notes for This Groove: This poem was created for the Friday Writings post at Poets and Storytellers United, TV Time.

Song of an Apocalypse

The bugs’ skitter-scatter steps

are easier to track than the fidgets of my thoughts.

It’s simpler to eat them whole too.

Memories give me indigestion

and their taste lingers unpleasantly.

Never mind, I’ve been told

I’m too crazy to remember.

Except that I do
remember

the world when I was young.

I had a theme song then

for those daily apocalypses

I was told would pass when I got older.

But an Armageddon came,

that left me to gather

the eggshell fragments of my mind.

Even imperfectly reassembled,

with cracks large enough

to let maggots dance through,

I haven’t forgotten

I wanted to be a light

for the ones that came after me.

Broken as I am,

I might be the only adult left

who remembers

that beautiful horror of youth

and wants to reassure them

this can be survived

even with a mouth full of spiders.  

Liner Notes for this Groove: This poem was created for the very last (sob!) prompt at Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads, Play it Again Toads. I chose Kerry Says Find Our Poetic Voice. I knew I wanted to go with one of my "nerd poems" (poetry based on something I'm a fan of), but it took a bit to decide who's voice to go with. 

In the end I decided on going with one of my newer fandoms, the Netflix series Daybreak, which is a tongue in check look at the apocalypse with an 80's John Hughes-like tone to the whole thing (Matthew Broderick as the out of touch principal is an absolute delight). The character I chose to speak through was Miss Crumble a.k.a. The Witch.

Miss Crumble before the apocalypse

Miss Crumble after the apocalypse (yep, those are maggots)

If you followed the link to the trailer, you'll see that the apocalypse killed off most of the adults or made them into flesh eating zombies. Somehow, Miss Crumble came out of it... different. I don't want to give too many spoilers, but suffice it to say I think it's good that the kids have some adult guidance and concern in their lives, even if that adult is fairly bonkers.

Song choice:

Non spoilery one - Sing Your Life by Morrissey
Somewhat spoilery (but super pretty) - Sing Your Life sung by Miss Crumble and Angelica 

Thank you Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads, for being so inspiring right up until the end. I will miss you.

Sky Full of Amethysts: Blogging Around With Rommy Week 42

I came through,
under the crust of possibility filled earth,

not quite right
for what I was expected to be.

I’ve had eons to learn
to fake a laugh
and joke loud enough
to distract from my flawed shaping.

I was told I was fated to lose 

because I'm a dull excuse for an amethyst.
I was secretly afraid
that was the reason I was left behind the others

without a chance to know the homeworld.

It’s true.  There’s a lot I don’t know.

But I’m burnished bright by my strange

and when the dross falls away, I see

I’m just as real an amethyst

as any of the others in this sky.

Liner Notes for This Groove: This poem was created for Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads, Just One Word: Burnish. It is also linked to Poets United's Pantry of Poetry and Prose.

So this soon after Nerdtino (a Latinx nerd convention), I had to go with something super nerdy. This piece is about one of my favorite characters in the cartoon Steven Universe, Amethyst. Though Amethyst hatched on earth, she’s part of an alien species known as Gems. There are several other Gems on earth, but she is the only Amethyst. This piece was meant to take place just as she was meeting other Amethysts for the first time. She was very nervous about it, but according to the official podcast of the series, meeting and getting to know other Amethysts (whom she now collectively refers to as "the Famethyst") “has allowed Amethyst to define herself with more clarity, leading her flexibility to become a choice rather than a reaction.”

There are so many great moments in this show
but Amethyst meeting the other Amethysts is one of my favorites.

Speaking of Nerdtino, I had an amazing time there. It was the first time I had ever been to that convention, and the first time I vended anywhere. I was so nervous, I forgot to have tea before I drove over. Fortunately, nerves work up a fair bit of adrenaline in the system. That and the really great atmosphere provided by getting together with other creative folks who are passionate about their art kept my energy high the whole day. Despite having trouble with my card reader for my cell phone, I sold out of all twenty-five of the books I brought with me.

Yes, I crashed as soon as I got home, settling myself on the couch the rest of the night and a-better-late-than-never cup of green tea. As Khaled Hosseini wrote in A Thousand Splendid Suns, “it's better to be deprived of food for three days than tea for one.” But I am so happy I went even if I did have my first cup of tea at 7 p.m.

So let me hear from you dear Groovers…have you done anything that made you a little nervous at first, but ended up being pretty freaking wonderful? Talk to me about it in the comments section and as always, if you want to take the conversation up on your page drop a link to your cyberhome in the notes.

Song Choices: DJ Awesomus Prime kept the convention dancing to so many great songs that day, but I have to go with the two that really got me and the people around me moving. Suavemente by Elvis Crespo and Make My Story by Lenny Code Fiction (the second theme for season three of My Hero Academia).

My Own Legacy

Tell me, why did you make me from half hate?

You could not have made your disgust clearer.

I was wanted only as your mirror,

so long as I reflect what makes you great—

a legacy I don’t appreciate.

Though others exclaim at my raw power,

I shut that side away, spurned that “our”

to define “me” and shun ideas of fate.

But isn’t that “our” already “mine”

when I wield it with a strong will to serve

humanity, not just my own ego?

Parts of me I thought were you can align

with my scarred self to be a true hero

and at last find the wholeness I deserve.

Song Choice: Numb by Linkin Park

Shoto Todoroki

Liner Notes for this Groove: This poem was created for my prompt at Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads where I encouraged everyone to get out of their comfort zone and try something new, either in style or theme.

Soooo...I probably should have realized earlier on, that meant me too. 😂

I racked my brain to come up with something and made a face when it hit me. As I'm not super comfortable working with rhymes and meter, never had I ever attempted a sonnet before. So I looked it up, and decided on a petrachan sonnet with CDECED form for the last part.

This was pretty tough! But I did make things easier for myself picking a subject I was comfortable with--anime, specifically, My Hero Academia. For those unfamiliar with it, it's a series about a bunch of kids with super powers in an elite high school learning how to become heroes. Shoto Todoroki, isn't the main character of the series, but he's an engaging side character. The son of the number two hero, Endeavor, he's easily one of the most powerful kids in his class. But he relies mostly on the powers he's inherited from his mother (ice) because his fire-flinging father is a cruel jerk, more invested in his image as a powerful hero than in any actual ideals of heroism.

Rebel Ace: Blogging Around With Rommy Week 25

Play

time takes

so little effort.

Why not just enjoy

fun?

This poem is linked to Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads' Tuesday Platform.

Liner Notes For this Groove: If, as Alice Walker said in The Color Purple, “Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors” then vacation to me is just a chance to get my nerd on. Don’t get me wrong. I love rambling on the rocky beaches, watching the ocean, and taking in the gorgeous scenery. But if the day is stormy, the mosquitoes are vicious, (or let’s be real, I just feel like it), I love indulging in some geeky games.

Last summer, one of my husband’s friends introduced us to the X-Wing Fighters minatures game, based on the Star Wars movies. I hadn’t had a chance to play since then, and there’s been a few upgrades to game play, allowing for an option to run it something like a Dungeons and Dragons campaign. We get to be Rebel Alliance pilots and fly missions against the Empire.

I had a blast with this new version. My character (who I named Calamity, after Calamity Jane) took down five ships and easily scored the most points (a mighty 13). Jokes were made about the Imperial fleet running away when they saw the X-wing with the anime pin-up boys start flying through their sky.

There she is, mighty Red 27.

Of course I wanted to play again as soon as possible. The next game I wasn’t so lucky. We all rolled poorly, barely escaping the Imperial Forces, and I had to eject and leave my trusty X-wing behind (weeps). But I totally want to keep playing. Heck, I wonder why I don’t play more games like this at home. I know life can get pretty hectic and I need to work on self-care. But self-care doesn’t always mean taking a bubble bath. Sometimes it means taking a couple of hours, goofing around, and high-fiving the husband on that sweet, sweet shot I made on an Imperial Interceptor.

So do any of you Groovers like playing games to de-stress? Or have you done anything fun recently? Talk to me about it in the comments section and feel free to drop a link to your cyberhome if you want to continue the conversation there.

Song Choice: Many jokes were made about Calamity needing a theme song. While I had fun making up alternate lyrics to Bodak Yellow (I’m an ace, you a nerf-herding wimp. I make bloody moves), I think the first song I thought of was the best one, Shoot to Thrill by ACDC.

Lost Girl (What Miyaka Knows)

There is no shortage of people ready to point out what they feel is my place. Every flaw of mine is thoroughly dissected and explained, as if I were not already fully acquainted with all of them. It is then I run to lose myself in the pages of a story. I touch my lips to a well of words, take them deep into my body until they are part of me. Then I carry them back, alive with their power to remember I am the creatrix of my own tales.



A hard world demands
me to break. I refuse to.
Saved by strange magic
in my paperback heroes,
I claim my wings and fly.

Song Choice: Itooshii Hito No Tame Ni

Da' Notes: This poem was created as a response to an idea Magaly Guerrero put forth in a recent blog post, Trinkets and Armor: What's Your Passion? Drawing inspiration from a wise old woman, she asked us to share the things that we're passionate about or that soothe/ help when things feel a bit bleak. Reading of course was one of my first, and remains among my dearest comforts. If it were simply about reading, I might have gone with a poem about Anne of Greene Gables (I probably will write an Anne themed thing someday). But there is also something magical about writing too, about being the force creating the world around you. And so to convey that in aspect, I decided to play around with inspiration from one of my favorite anime/manga series, Fushigi Yuugi, where the heroine, Miaka, literally goes inside the world of a book, and her choices drive the way the story turns out. This piece is also linked up to The Tuesday Platform at Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads.

Sunset on the Boy from Tatootine

Everything my friends have fought for has been ground into particles finer than the sand of the desert I grew up in. It is my fault. My failure to live up to the promise others saw in me has damaged families and damned galaxies. I have renounced the sky; it was hubris to think I belonged anywhere but on the ground, extraordinary only because of the things I've broken. But if the dry husk that remains of me can be useful as kindling to create a fire others can warm their dying hopes by, I will give it up and try to be the hero children need me to be.

New hope crushed by old
resentments that did not die.
Failure defines me
only if I do not rise
one last time for tomorrow.

Song Choice: Hurt by Johnny Cash


This tanka prose poem was created by the prompt given over at Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads: If You Meet The Hero On The Road... where we were asked to write about a hero. I chose to base this tanka prose around Luke Skywalker from the Star Wars movies. This piece will also be linked to Poets United: Poetry Pantry 404.

The Pride Of Mount Vernon

"Let me tell you what I wish I knew, when I was young and dreamed of glory…"

-                                                                                            Washington to Hamilton from the play Hamilton

The Pride of Mount Vernon handed me his quill.

Pride. I know too much about pride –

or maybe not enough. Would I chase glory

if I was as sure of myself as I appear?

He tells me it’s history

watching to see how I will prove myself.

All I can feel are the eyes

of those who expect me to fail.

I imagine their faces

when I prove them wrong.

I don’t have to tell him that.

He knows. Says he was the same way once.

This seasoned veteran -  

it’s hard to imagine him

as unskilled at his craft,

impatient to be better.

He is all patience now.

Analyzing maps and correspondence,

pointing out the strength of our resources,

and how to shore up what I have missed.

The Pride of Mount Vernon hands me his quill.

I follow his example,

and hammer out the rough edges,

seasoning the ink 

with everything that flows in me.

Song Choice: History Has It's Eyes On You from Hamilton

This poem is linked up to Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads, Tuesday Platform. Following the prompt I was inspired by the phrase, "The Pride of Mount Vernon" from the play Hamilton (the phrase actually appears in a different song, Right Hand Man). I always loved the strong bond of friendship and mentorship between George Washington and Alexander Hamilton depicted in the play. It would have been all too easy for the elder Washington to be dismissive of young Hamilton, but he helped Hamilton hone the best part of himself, to the benefit of the country.

The Stories I Tell Myself

London fog pulls hard on the heels of shoes two sizes too small. They weren't meant to last this long, especially in bad weather. But I imagine myself a spy; the fog and cold are trifles.

Miss Minchin doesn't like the look on my face when I return from my errand. She tells me so. It does not matter. She cannot stop me from being the heroine in my own story.

The hard world insists
the stories I tell myself
are lies. All that they are -
my foolish, cherished daydreams -
grow to feed my hope filled heart.

Song Choice:  Fight Song by Rachel Platten 

This poem was created for a prompt given at Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads: Rhubarb. We were asked to write from the perspective of a favorite childhood character. It was tough picking just one! But finally I decided on Sarah Crewe from A Little Princess by Francis Hodgson Burnett.

Jane

I remember being not out of earshot too

and hearing words reminding me

I’m no one’s ideal of beauty.

I loved you then,

for our shared sin

of not adorning the world.

I revisited you, year after year.

One day, after a pilgrimage to a crossroad

that long had intrigued me

I found what I reverence, what I delight in –

you fell a little in my eyes.

I’d have never ran

from love to conform to a dogma

that did its best to shame me.

Then I grew a little more, realizing

you defined your own dogma

to align with the dictates of your spirit,

just as I’ve done. Though I’d go left

where you’d go right, conventionalities don’t bind us.

My spirit recognizes yours

and I’ll always love that.

Song Choice: Sweet Jane by the Cowboy Junkies

This poem was created as response to the prompt given over at Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads: My Dearest Book, I Wrote You a Poem. I chose one of my all time favorites, Jane Eyre. I love the book so much, I have an infinity scarf with the text from the scene where Jane and Mr. Rochester confess their love to each other. This is also linked to Poet's United Poetry Pantry #370

In Samantha's Shoes

Dinner’s in the fridge.

Don’t forget Tabitha’s bedtime story.

Make sure Darren Jr does his homework.

I’ve laced up my take-no-prisoners,

Valkyrie-on-a-broomstick, hell-yes

you’ll-hear-me-roar boots.

You smiled at me,

while I decided between

belladonna or datura -

made me want to reach

for damania instead.

I love these boots.

But I also love the slippers

we’ve made of our love -

the warm, mmm-so-cozy,

love-rare-lazy-afternoons-with-you,

strong-enough-to-go-through-the-wash,

still-sturdy-after-so-many-years slippers.

But tonight, there are great, odiferous, pestilent

hydras to contain and a coven waiting for me to rise.

“The hydra doesn’t stand a chance,” you say

before we kiss and I fly.

Shoes and Books by Magaly Guerrero

Song Choice: Groovy Kind of Love covered by Phil Collins

Process notes: Belladonna and datura are poisonous plants while damania has a reputation for being an aphrodisiac. 

This poem was inspired by the prompt given at Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads: Poetry Through the Eyes of Carol Ann Duffey and the picture prompt given over at Friday Fictioneers. It is also linked up with Poets United: Poetry Pantry 350.

Dear Joscelin

Dear Joscelin,

Elua himself could ask for none

more loyal than you.

It is Cassiel’s star

you vow to follow.

Oh my love, I have my vows too.

No, more than vows.

It is what I am.

Blood in my eye,

dark craving of my flesh -

my gods have laid this upon me.

I cannot lie when I say

I find pleasure in it.

But the sight of your face

makes me wish it were otherwise.

You kneel in the rain

praying to Cassiel for understanding.

I hate the sight of these austerities.

But it is what you are,

I’ve accepted that.

Please accept this!

Please accept me.

Oh Naamah, oh Kushiel,

give me strength to bear this.

I am more used to receiving pain

than dealing it!

Joscelin,

one I love best

among all mortal men and women.

Please let that be enough for you.

My gods call,

I must follow.

Art used with kind permission of the artist: 

Kushiel's Dart, Phedre at the Temple by Angela Sasser

For more of her art, visit her website The Fantasy Art of Angela R. Sasser 

and her etsy shop of the same name

Song Choice: Beth by Kiss
This poem was created from a prompt offered by Magaly Guerrero for NaPoWriMo (Day 22: Plant a poem within a tale; create a poem within a story I've read. The story I chose was Kushiel's Chosen, the second in the Kushiel's Legacy series. If you haven't read these, go do it now! It's an amazing series with some wonderful and engrossing world building)